As a first year MD student at my school we must participate in clinical preceptorships, which is similar to shadowing in some cases and in others, we visit sites that provide healthcare and other services for underserved population and learn more about the work they do, services they provide, and people they help. Well, yesterday my random assignment happen to be at a Family Medicine office that I have volunteered at for the past 2 years. It was so refreshing to be there and chat with my mentor and see patients.
Initially, I didn't feel any different walking in as a medical student as I did during my previous trips there but as the evening hours rolled on I realized things were different. I got really excited when the physician would mention topics that I had recently learned in class and I felt confident about my ability to answer clinical questions. Like, despite how I may feel that sometimes info is going in one ear and out the other, my studying and the endless hours I am putting are not in vain. I realized that the main purpose of the preceptorships is not give us more shadowing exposure because we all have hundreds and hundred of hours but for those days when we are bogged down with book work, lecture notes and feel so far removed from our goal of practicing medicine, it shows us, "That hey this is why you spend all of those hour reading, learning and preparing, so one day you can see patients and be the best physician for them as you possible can". And, I really needed that yesterday!
Then, today is my son's birthday!!!! I still can't believe how much he has grown and matured into a spectacular young boy. His birthday reminds me of my journey and how far we have come. He's seen me graduate from college, moved to Macon for grad school with me, seen me graduate from that treacherous program and now he is seeing me pursue my dream of becoming a physician! Today is just a reminder that my dream is really bigger than me because I have so many other people relying on my determination, my imagination and my success.
School for me this last month has not been all that I had hoped. Honestly, my motivation has been a bit lack luster, I am present but sometimes my mind is completely absent. Then, I set expectations for myself that I probably wouldn't even expect Albert Einstein to accomplish and when I didn't meet those goals it was difficult for me reevaluate how realistic of those expectations were but easy for me criticize my own efforts. But, I am learning to take easier on myself because while expecting greatness is great, burn out is real. I've done a lot of things in my life that I can reflect on but I've never done medical school before. I've never done medical school before as mother before. I've never done medical school before in my hometown with all my family (pro&con). This a whole different ball game and I'm just a rookie. But, I am learning, growing and still finding my way through. One thing I know is that, I dream about this, wished for this, prayed about this, and now I am hear. While people make plenty of mistakes, God doesn't!